The Original Shadow Cabinet 
The Original Shadow Cabinet
19th June 1998
Here is a portion of the book I'm writing about "How to Become Elvis and Win in the Music Industry"
Part One
Develop your Music Business Karate
Elvis did karate on stage which seemed a little odd to me when I first watched him do it, but now that I'm a megastar I understand it completely. Sure, it looked goofy, an overweight Southern guy in a cape doing karate. But what I'm sure he was really pointing out was that he also kung fu-ed the hell out of the music business. He was one of the first to combine bluegrass and rhythm&blues; and is often credited with creating rock and roll. He was the first star so huge that it made him go nuts. He was the first lounge lizard. He was the first (and only, as far as I know) entertainer to spawn an entire industry of imitators.
What can aspiring musicians learn from this? Well, first of all, in order to define your musical goals, you need to have your own karate work out.
Here is my own personal workout routine:
"Huh! you puny music business! I will fell you with just one power chord! I will release my G major and your knees will buckle! EEEEEYAH!!" [Brian: Hey, G major isn't a power chord ! No thirds (major or minor) in one of them. ;) ] [Donnette: Put enough distortion, compression, and chorusing on it and a G note can be a power chord. :) ]"You cannot break the many and very specific categories which only dictate! You are a little mouse at my thundering feet! You try to sneak around inventing completely new lines! You have never even tried to rhyme 'knees and please'! You shall remain obscure forever! Minion! Hnnnnyah! hooah!"
"Ah yes, smiling giver of nothing! You call yourself a lord! You are little more than a community of single celled organisms. You call yourself a rock, but you have the strength of mica. HEEYAH! HAH! Watch closely as I fell you and steal your one eye away! Now you must use your ears. Behold my B minor arpeggio, fool! IeeeYAH!"
"I quiver at your ethereal majesty! I am vanquished! I tremble at your commercial appeal, that which I so easily dismissed before! You are truly the conqueror, honorable bright angel of angst-san! (bow)."
You see? Whatever you decide to do, if it's original, the music business won't like it. If it's not original, why are you bothering? So prepare yourself.
Next:
Creating and surviving the Jungle Room
Q. "How many A&R; men does it take to change a lightbulb?"A. (Anxious look towards someone standing nearby) "I'm not sure. What do you think?"
She replied...
I heard the same joke but a little different:
Q: How many A&R; guys to change a lightbulb.
A: Well, here's the scenario: A bunch of A&R; guys sit in conference in the dark and argue back and forth about what market the lightbulb should appeal to and how many watts it should have, whether or not it should have a color shade, and how they will groom the bulb once it's out of the box. Exhausted, they stagger home at 4am. At 8am, a janitor changes the light. When everybody arrives the next day to continue the meeting, they all look at the light bulb with awe and one of them says, "I saw that lightbulb first."
February 13th 1998
We were discussing the commonly held belief outside the US that America is forcing its culture on the rest of the world. I said (pardon me while I rant...)
I hear this too, and used to believe it, but I've realized the awful truth isn't that "US Cultural Imperialism is being forced upon us blah blah blah" but that WE'RE BUYING IT ! Nobody forces tv stations to show this stuff except The Great Aussie Public, and the public of whatever nation is doing the complaining. If you want to stop kids being influenced by US trends, you gotta give 'em something else, or better still encourage them to develop their own culture. Whining about America when you're paying to watch the stuff is just silly.
Donnette replied
Wow, that's practically word-for-word the speech that I gave a British guy who was a guest of Lembo's in a bar (though it sounds a little different when you've got a slick-back little American rocker chick braying it at you over the booth in a loud club). Turned out that he was the head of Demon Records, and furthermore he liked my speech and my braying enough to sign Hex up the next day.
No, but there's a pretty good record of this type called Golden Throats "A Golden Shower of Hits" which includes some hilarious cuts by William Shatner, Sebastian Cabot, and a few others. I have a couple of incredibly bad records by Jackie Gleason; as maudlin and pathetic as it gets. I love them.
As far as Bing Crosby goes, he had a dark side that was far worse than just murdering "Hey Jude". Apparently, he abused his children; and another delightful aspect of Bing is that he was a Nazi sympathizer. He was referred to as Der Bingle by the Hollywood gentry; his press guys whitewashed that into a rumor that he was beloved by the German troops and that's how he got the nickname. I can't verify this slander, but it seems to be common knowledge in Hollywood. There's something so attractive to me about these guys who have such incredible talent and still manage to be such atrocious fuck-ups (late Elvis, Bing, others that I can't think of right now). It's like an irresistable view of the horrifying and embarrasing possibilities that could befall any human being, given the ability to get away with just about anything.
But more importantly, Bing was the first singer to really get past all that operatic crap that singers used to feel obligated to do, which started as a method to be heard over the orchestra. Bing sang on records like he was singing to you in bed. He was very charismatic in an overtly sexual way, and extremely influential; opened the music business right up by showing how incredibly lucrative it could be. He was the first modern pop singer, mainly because of the financial revelations he provided for the entertainment community, but also because he was willing to use his enormous clout to change a tune so it suited him, and became a reliable singer not limited so much by his material. He was also the first to make the girls faint on camera. Now how ya gonna beat that?
Can be rather incestuous, because each subgroup tends to hang together. People move here every day to try to succeed in music, so there is really a lot of talent here. I would never have found Bruce anywhere but here, for example. By the same token, there are a lot of people who move here who have more interest in the fame and glamour that accompanies success in the music business than music itself or creativity in general. That can be tiresome, but this orientation is certainly not limited to Los Angeles.
Can you easily find talented people to join bands ?
More easily than anywhere else I've ever lived. It's still pretty hard to find the people with whom you will make a contract to become closer than family.
And is *everyone* there just waiting to be "discovered" for movie stardom ?
Yes, the mythos of Hollywood continues intact.
In the US, might be different elsewhere, the publisher copyrights your stuff by sending in two copies of your record to the Library of Congress. You can publish your own stuff by creating a publishing company (you have to make sure to register the name of your company as an official trademark) and sending in the CDs yourself. In Hex, we sold half our publishing rights to Lembo and his Funzalo Music. Publishing can be very rich, and publishing rights are often sold for pretty good money.
There can be some pretty sophisticated finagling here, I would get a lawyer I can trust and ask him to just take good care of me. Musicians are guaranteed to get screwed out of almost everything they make anyhow, so this is all pretty moot. Best bet is to put it out yourself and tour tour tour, hire a good promotion guy who knows what drug/sex appetizer plate which dj likes best and provide it with a smile. Eventually some bright major will pick you up and you'll have enough clout to make them pass up some of the more offensive financial chicken pluckings they would normally be wont to perform. Not all record companies are creepy though, Arista was quite stand-up from everything I saw, but.....
I guess the answer to you question of who is the guy who publishes this stuff? It's the artist, whoever the artist has sold it to, and whoever has bought it from the guy who bought it from the artist.
Sorry you asked?
Most of them are failed musicians, or were too scared to ever even try. There's a lot of loose vengence, and this usually is visited on their more successful acts. The babies like me have to pretend to take these guys artistic vision seriously. Do that and you will get a little work out of them, but they think you're a chump. Don't and you've got a whole lot of nothing happening, but they'll never let you go, just in case they might be wrong.
I'm sure there are some good managers, and it is a very demanding and thankless (except for when you take home all the band's money) job. Steve told me a story about a manager that was so eager to please that he decided to arrange a fuck for the boys in the band. He opened up the yellow pages to "F". Naturally, there was no listing for fuck. But his heart was in the right place. Steve enjoyed impersonating his various managers, and me for that matter. It was quite amusing.
I thought we (as a civilized species) had finished with such tawdriness, but boy am I ever wrong. The music business is rife with payola in the form of prostitution, drugs and cash. I disputed this for years, (probably more to save my own sanity than anything else), but the sad truth. Can you believe it? Humanity’s most cherished form of creative expression, you would know this better than any one; music is a medium that can captivate your entire depth of being, change a person forever, save their life, and what the world is going to hear is being manipulated by the attendees at a coke party in the back room of a Tijuana bordello.
It’s not the musicians who are doing this nasty business so much, although musicians will always find some nice mud puddle to play in. Some musicians don’t know anything about this stuff, I never did ! It’s the promoters, recording company execs and djs that are doing this. For a fascinating in-depth investigation of the ugly alter-ego of the music business, read "Hit Men" by Fredric Dannen.
B: I really enjoyed both the Hex albums you did with Steve and I play them quite often.
D: I'm glad you liked the Hex records, I really love them both too, and it was magical making them. It was Steve's first collaborative effort outside of The Church and the home projects, and Steve always tells me that they remain his absolute favorite musical endeavors outside of The Church (whether or not this is true is your guess).
B: I reckon Fire Island is a truly awesome song.
D: Fire Island is one of my favorites from the first Hex record, but Elizabeth Green is my top choice, perhaps a tie with Diviner. My band played Elizabeth Green live, it never failed me. Interesting story you told about that song [I told her about a pseudo-trippy experience I had while listening to the song], and indeed from the very start, that song was hallucinogenic. I too, had a strange experience with Elizabeth Green, when we were recording it. Steve had decided to do a record with me (it was my dream come true) and had completed writing most of the music (but not lyrics) before I arrived in New York. On one of the tracks of Elizabeth Green is Steve playing random percussion instruments improvisationally. At one point, he took the whole box of shakers, tambourines, etc., and just dropped them. I didn't know the songs when I went to sing them, we wrote a lot of lyrics on the spot, so I was winging it too; it was all very creative and breathtaking. Anyway, I was in the vocal booth singing and feeling quite tentative. I was supposed to be singing "return" through the outro, when suddenly this huge (not loud, just exhilarating) crash came over my headphones that jarred me all the way through, and I began to sing those melodies you hear at the end, the wordless ones. All at once it hit me - I was having a peak experience!
(I don't know if you're familiar with what's-his-name who cooked up the peak experience - Mazlo? Lazlo?- Anyway you only get a couple of them per lifetime, and usually they happen when you're not paying attention.) I feel extraordinarily privileged that I have that moment on tape forever, a moment that thrills me to this day. Hmm. Perhaps that isn't as interesting a story as I thought. This may interest you though, and shows that your Church instincts are good: Elizabeth Green was written in the early Church days, with the title Elizabeth Green established and no further lyrics.
B: I wonder, are there any songs you and Steve recorded that didn't make it onto the albums ?
D: Everything Steve and I ever worked on together went on a record immediately. Some of the stuff we recorded was remixed and rereleased, and there was material released on compilation records; these are the records I didn't know about, the Dr. Death and such.
B: Are you still recording ?
D: Since you mention it, I have released a CD this year entitled 'Chaos and Wonder'. Reviewers are calling it "Better than Hex" which I think is more a catchy pun than it is true. Naturally it's similar to Hex, since the singer usually defines the music, and clearly it's impossible to work with Steve without being greatly influenced by his incredible talent. (Have you noticed that the spell checker tries to replace Kilbey with Killjoy?)
B: But I'd really be interested to know how the production/writing/arranging work was divided up between you and Steve on those two albums, and your impressions on working with him.
D: And I'd love to oblige. I'm new at this Internet stuff, I've never even chatted! I've always been an unabashed fan of The Church and of Steve, and I tend to remember things in great detail, something to which Steve can attest. I could give you a sketch here, the kind of oh, Steve did this specific thing and I did that, but that kind of listing of the rote mechanicals of the creative process we engaged in is not only dull, it is not even representative of the way the entity Hex was born, lived, thrived and finally died. I would far prefer to make it more personal, which would involve getting Steve's OK, and that would be up to you; it's been years since I have spoken to him. Of course, Steve's permission is not required, but this seems like a suitable step to take in this instance. He'll probably get upset and say no. He was always very private, unlike me. If he says no, I will probably write the same stuff anyway eventually, or something even more revealing; just not associated with his website.
B: If you'd like to write a few words about each Hex album, or about certain songs, or whatever else you'd like to say, I'd be happy to put those comments on the Hex album pages.
D: I would feel funny writing what would really amount to advertising copy for Hex. However, if I happen to ever write anything in my correspondences that you find amusing, you have my full authorization to use it in any way you see fit [Thanks Donnette ! I've used most of the first email :) ]
B: Perhaps I could also take questions from Church/Kilbey fans and forward them to you and get a wider discussion going? I fully understand if you'd rather not get into that, of course.
D: I would love that! Steve is always ever so gruff, but it's just a front. He's very much the out of his element if he feels like he is not being recognized as Steve-Kilbey-of-the-Church, in my opinion. When we were in Thailand, I overheard a very interesting conversation between him and his masseuse regarding his fame. We had been there two weeks, just as tourists, and apparently he needed a recognition fix. It was quite charming, actually.
B: Ah ! Just remembered one last question that only you can answer : what are you saying in the spoken part of Hollywood In Winter ?
D: Ha! That you'll never know!
B:I sent most of the lastemail on to the Seance mailing list (365 people at last count) so hopefully a steady stream of questions will be forthcoming.
D: I await them with magnificently excruciating anticipation.
B: Steve told me a story of how someone spotted him (onstage ?) ...
D: No
B:...at a Game Theory gig with you at the height of the "Starfish" thing and said "Look ! Someone from The Church !" and the crowd showed more interest in him than in your band :) Apparently it caused some strife with (remembering a name...) Scott ?
D: Yes, true, but not the whole story. He was asleep at the bar. Go get something to drink, this is long. Game Theory was on tour and I think we were in Washington DC. Bear in mind that this was at the climax of Steve's career, and he was quite flush. Steve had remained in New York to work on the record that we woould be doing as Hex. I couldn't join him immediately because I wanted to finish the Game Theory tour. Steve followed us all over the East coast and after a few shows got pretty bored with the band. Also, Steve (and I as his companion) liked to stay at nice hotels. The rest of Game Theory would troop off to some one's floor to sleep, and Steve and I would cab over to some posh hotel. This really galled the band. I'll never forget the one night they dropped us off, still trying to be groovy, and there was this long corridor of perfectly white globe lights for what seemed like a mile along the entrance. Someone said, do you think they'll have showers at the house where we're going to stay? Someone answered, no, there's a tub that doubles for a kitchen table, that's all. I felt tremendously guilty, but not after I found my amp later with all the tubes mysteriously smashed.
Another time, Steve decided that we would drive to the next show in a rented car. We got lost in Brooklyn and never made it; the band were non-plussed, they made a cardboard figure of me and put it onstage, probably used it as a dartboard later, too.
B: I love stories [about the details of the recording process] but Steve has been very reluctant to discuss the Church's recording process with me, but I find it fascinating.
D: Perhaps the recording process with the Church really IS taboo. I was living with Steve in Hollywood when they were recording Gold Afternoon Fix, and I was not really welcome to go hang out. I went down there a couple of times to play the Superman pinball game (it was from the '50's and Steve called it "zen pinball" because it was so slow), but all of this could have been due to the strife that Richard was causing; he didn't want to be in LA, and he made quite a stink about it. He blamed the LA location for the GAF recording session on me.
B: Steve said it should all be a mystery...well, it's his baby, I guess,but I find more to admire when I'm given more details rather than less.
D: I think Steve must have been traumatized somehow, at some point. He obviously really believes in the mysterioso bit. He even coached me in "How to Mysterioso", but it's just not my style. I recently read an interview I did, my first one after my lesson in subterfuge, and to me I just sounded stupid.
B: As a classically trained musician (I've played trumpet for 14 years and self-taught guitar for about 7 years) I take an interest in the rehearsal process that others follow.
D: The Church seems to be a band that appeals to accomplished musicians.
B: There's a very good book about how The Beatles spent their studio time - can't remember the title, but it was fascinating. John Lennon was always looking for ways to make his voice sound different : singing while lying on the floor etc... With today's technology...wow ! He'd have had a field day :)
D: Scott from Game Theory (now Loud Family) is an expert in Beatles lore. I have a lot of respect for the Beatles, they changed the history of mankind. Steve loves the Beatles, whether or not he would admit it, and he and Marty seem to have lived lives that oddly parallel John and Paul's (except that they both seem to be John). But there's the rivalry, and the love between them, and the strange magic that they have when they write together that they can't seem to achieve apart (Hex included).
B: Most Church fans already have both Hex albums - *if* they can find them - do you still have any for sale ? I know a few people who still want to buy them.
D: No, ever so ephemeral (incidently, Ephemeron was a proposed name for the famous Starfish album. I have another story about the title Starfish which I can tell you, but I'd rather save it for when I need a really big finish).
B: Re: The spoken part of "Hollywood In Winter" I think I've worked out most of it, but a few bits are just below audible levels. One more question on that - did Steve perhaps record it without you being aware that it was being taped ? I've pictured that many times as you just casually telling a story during a "break" in recording and finding out afterwards that it was being taped ! A long shot, I know :)
D: Steve said to me while I was singing the vamp that he wanted to have a long rambling diatribe in there. So I just yakked. Turned out better than I thought it would. I'm not very extemporaneous. Your story was better, and that's the kind of precious life that a piece of artwork can generate that Steve is rightfully reluctant to destroy. Sorry!
Here's something: When we were doing Antelope, Steve sent me into the control room to play some feedback on my guitar. My guitar was so loud that the headphones were feeding back too, and nothing would fix it. Steve decided that since it was really ambient noise, that it wasn't necessary to have me hear the tracks at all, but as I played, I saw how animated the guys in the control room were starting to look. I began to play to Steve's body language, and it came out great! That was a fantastic moment!
Thank you! One can only create the entity that goes off and makes its life and family in this strange world, hoping that it will generate some happiness. Glad to know that in that respect Hex has been successful.
One question though....we were good friends with Ronnie Estees who lived with you and his girlfriend in L.A. for some time. we have lost touch with him. any word? we fear the worst.
I did hear from them about a year ago, they were looking for a place to live and considering moving back home. I had hoped they would go, L.A. hasn't served them very well. I hooked Ronnie up with Inger from the Nymphs as her personal manager, a difficult job that he did admirably. Rule #1 - no shooting up in a moving vehicle. Ronnie and Angie are sweet and wonderful people. They were Steve's favorite friends here in L.A. outside of business acquaintances. More likely that he would know their whereabouts than I. Let me know if you track them down, I've been worried about them too.
Another two questions. we heard long ago that steve gave away a lot of money on that trip to Thailand, true or no?
Steve is an extremely generous person if he believes that the recipient lacks a certain sense of entitlement; if you never asked for anything from him, he would give you everything, if you asked him outright for something, he would do anything rather than give you the item in question. Hence, lepers and maybe monks would get money, perhaps a quiet beggar or two. Steve spends quite freely too, or did. He despises haggling. He finds financial concerns to be quite plebeian and distasteful. It is this squeamishness, though, that has caused many of his darkest hours, notably in his icky deal with Lembo. He knows this, and has a very ambiguous relationship with money and those people in his life who can use it to hurt him.
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